The motivation to post is just not there. What I have to say, for the most part, is terribly repetitive. It's as simple as this - I don't have a habit of posting daily or even every other day, and I also dont have a habit of posting when I'm cheerful. So that leaves gloomy posting. I feel gloomy for 3 reasons, and have been gloomy the past 2 years for the same 3 reasons. What's more, I'm going to remain gloomy for these same 3 reasons in future. So posting is just not happening.
I'm still waiting for that promotion at work. Looks highly highly unlikely, except a mere title change. Highly unlikely that I'll find even a first date which I'd look forward to. And let's not even talk about going back to the US anytime soon. Status quo prevails.
What is new, however, is the feeling of bitterness I've managed to imbibe into my system. I'm quite possibly one of the most cheerful people ever, a right little ray of sunshine, even when things are not always good. But I'm now getting bitter and the sentiment is only growing stronger with each passing month. Thankfully I genuinely enjoy my life but contentedness is something which eludes me. I don't see that changing in the near future.
I also have realised that being me in Asia means being viewed as a guy, by a lot of people. I drop the f-bomb regularly and that's apparently a very guy thing to do even in a place as cosmopolitan and modern as Singapore. This is weird because when I was in Philly, I was viewed as a "Lady", someone kinda prim and proper, but with an edge. Here, I am an edgy bloke who just dresses feminine. It's a tad disorienting and a teeny bit frsutrating. I wanna shake 'em all by their shoulders and tell them to just, for heaven's sake, grow up and not be quite so retardedly and maddeningly stck-in-the-mud.
But I guess that would be guy-behaviour and heavily frowned upon. Oh well.
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resipsacrap) wrote,
cranky
