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[Feb. 12th, 2009|12:13 pm] |
I'm just gonna move right past where I explain/apologise/justify my silence on LJ and post.
I am okay, work is very very very busy but meaningful and intellectually stimulating, and my social life has escalated beyond compare. I previously used to not go anywhere on the weekends, but I no longer have that option/luxury. I love my friends, and I am now meeting new people and making new friends who are very electic and interesting. And I have a blast everytime I'm out. All that's just dandy and I am thankful for my life on a day-to-day basis.
But I seem to be greatly unlucky in romance. I think i may finally have gotten over Othello but not entirely. At this point it is more the love I seem to have for the kind of relationship I had with him than the love that I have/had for him. But the real test of course is how I'd feel if I were to see him in person and especially if I see him with anyone he's dating or in a relationship with. So till the time I can be sure that even the vestiges of my love have vapourised, I'm maintaining the lack of contact with him.
The French tourist thing died down, was resurrected, was breathed fresh life into, even walked with a spring in its step, but all only to finally die down again. For good this time. We had been talking almost everyday and he even came down to Singapore to spend time with me a couple of weeks back, and I realised that I liked him more than I thought I did. But in our brief talk about the subject, I realised there was absolutely no future in this "relationship". After mulling over things, my recent history, I came to a decision that I needed to nip this thing in the bud. Before I somehow ended up getting hurt again. So I told him that no hard feelings, but this had to stop. It's hard, and I miss him, but if it feels like a bummer now, it would be worse in a couple of months. And I just do not have the strength for yet another failed attempt at having a lasting relationship, not when I'm not 100% recovered from the previous one.
Maybe it is the Asian in me, or the age, or just my disposition in life - whatever it is I can't reel in my feelings. I'm all or nothing; I can either do one-nighters or a full-blown I'm-madly-in-love-with-you-and-hopefully-will-spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you thing. I am not lookign to get married anytime soon, but I think I have reached that stage where I feel I want a loving long-term relationship that has potential to endure through the future.
Having gotten to that stage, and then realising I'm very likely not going to even have a single interesting date till the time I leave Singapore, has been hard. I really meant it when I said I am very happy with my life on a day-to-day basis - I smile, I laugh, I truly enjoy my moments and what they bring - but sometimes it hits me that for at least the next 6 months to a year, I'm not even going to have a date I'm excited about. And that ... blows.
Compounding that is a fact that I still miss Philly and know there's nothing I can do about that for at least a year. The earliest I can realistically get back to Philly would be summer 2010, being a foreigner and all. I honestly don't know what avenues I can explore for getting a job and moving back to Philly within the year. That's sorta left me feeling down, too.
In sum: I'm happy, I'm okay, but... |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 5th, 2008|10:49 am] |
It's been ages since I posted anything substantial. A few things have been getting in the way of that - nothing of substance has really happened. That said, here are a few things worth mentioning.
I got my paperwork sorted and am now finally a PA attorney. The next step is for me to talk to Boss and try to get promoted at work, as a Foreign Lawyer. Things at work have been kinda quiet this weke since half my team is on leave and most of the major pieces of work for the year are done. I suppose I shoudl take this opportunity to talk to my boss but man, I am not looking forward to it. Mostly because I'm afraid I'll be told status quo is gonna be maintained. The firm holds all the chips and given the economic climate, it is most likely to say just that. Which is terribly unfair and all that, but what am I gonna do right. Throw in the towel?
Next Friday, I am going to India with my folks for a week. To visit a couple of temples, and my grandparents and some uncles and aunts, whom I haven't seen in 6 years. The last time I met them was before I left for the US, close to 6 years ago.
My social life's humming but only because I'm going out with friends. No guys in the picture. I've come to the conclusion that being a single non-Chinese girl in S'pore past the age of 25 can never be good. Relationship-wise. I don't mind dating anyone younger than me but most non-Chinese younger guys are married, sometimes with kids. And I just don't find Chinese guys attractive, purely from an aesthetics perspective. No racism to it, which is kinda bad cos if there were, I might at least try to change that mindset! The worst thing is that the whites in S'pore seem to have yellow fever; Chinese girls are IT. That's taking some getting used to, coming from Philly. And of course, it narrows the dating pool considerably for me. So basically I should move out of S'pore if I want to start dating again without totally compromising my standards.
Which leads to my next woe. As much as I miss Philly and the US in general, I don't see how I can get back in the next year. The earliest i can see it happening is early 2010. It's demotivating to see news on layoffs, especially in the legal circles, and it does nothing to motivate me to send out resumes or whatever.
All in all, I feel like I'm stuck in a rut and see no way out of it. My day-to-day life is just fine, because it is filled with a myriad of distractions. But if I pause to think about the big picture, about my life as a whole, it is terrifying and saddening. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 25th, 2008|12:52 pm] |
My laptop has somehow been infected with some bug, and it doesn't let me go to LJ. I have to resort to doing this at work, which has been very very hectic the last couple of weeks. Hence the unexplained absence.
I have been good, very busy with work, and catchign up on my social life. It's been almost 2 months since I touched back at Changi airport after taking the bar, and it's been a full 2 months. I like. I got to watch a 9-day trial, my first, although I missed the tail end of it. It was exciting, nevertheless. This Saturday, I am throwing an Oktoberfest party at my place. It's sort of an open-house concept, where I have my house open to the public from morning 11+ till night 11+. This should be tons of fun. I love entertaining and this is my first party in quite a while.
Other than that, I have joined a gym because I am woefully unfit, but have only gone a grand total of 2 times. I do intend to start going a lot more often from next week... once the party is out of the way.
Social life has been humming like nobody's business. Which is really and truly great. But it leaves a huge hole in my pocket, and doesn't let me go to the gym, either. But aside from those (acceptable?) drawbacks, it's awesome. I had burrowed myself for a few months because of the bar and a lot of other things, so it feels very good to poke my head out and see what's been up with people.
I have been on a couple of dates. I won't say more till things have settled on that end.
Ok, so that's it for now. I will post more often starting next week. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 24th, 2007|10:16 pm] |
It's been worse since getting my results. I don't think I'm going to be in this country past July... Everything seems so futile. Dad doesn't want me here, and at this point, without his finances, I can't stay on in the US. I'll be meeting him in the next couple of days as he's flying out for brother's graduation.. I'll have a more concrete idea about my future then.
I called things off with Date this morning, in anticipation of my return to Singapore. I miss him so very much. |
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| Weekend |
[Oct. 8th, 2006|05:48 pm] |
So I've had a really good weekend.
Friday night I stayed in and read A Tale of Two Cities, one of my favourite novels of all time. I was in half a mind to just head out, braving the shitty weather (rainy and coooold), and go to a bar by myself. But then I took a long hard look outside, stuck my hand out, and decided to junk that idea. Staying in and curling up with Dickens seemed a lot better of a plan than stepping out right then. And I've got to say, it probably was. Saturday was walkathon day, unwittingly. I had to go for an Oktoberfest party in the evening, and because I wanted to buy a good bottle of wine, I decided to hike it up to South Street to the wine & spirits shoppe. Turned out that they don't carry anything older than 3 years. So I was directed to a specialty wine store on 5th & Pine, but when I got there, there was no such store. From there, it was to 10th & Pine. Again, no luck. So I finally called Fuhrer, who used to live around those parts, but now has moved to San Diego. He directed me to 13th & Chestnut, which has apparently the best liquor store in all of PA! I finally bought a 1999 Merlot; it came highly recommended, so hopefully the hosts enjoyed it!
Oktoberfest was fun. G Unit & her hubby Yalie picked me up from my place & drove out to Radnor for the party. That place was teeming with Temple Law-ites, most who graduated along with me this May. It was really nice to see that bunch and hobnob for a bit, but the best part was the scrumptious chocolate cake & chocolate-covered biscuits and cookies... yummm. Let me tell you folks, nothing beats nibbling on amazing chocolate cake and guzzling beer with good friends on an autumn evening where the air has just that little nip to it.
I like long sentences.
Today, I once again donned my walk attire and roamed all over center city. Blew a lot of money when I shouldn't have. But those are the little irresponsible things that make life worth living, no? I bought a black three-quarter length peacoat, a pair of corduroys, 2 pairs of sunglasses, a black'n'white umbrella, and a ton of make-up items. I was feeling down because of the whole boys situation for a while there, but the situation diffused itself. Nothing can withstand the onslaught of retail therapy! For dinner I had really insipid sushi & chinese veg & tofu soup... and breaded buffalo wings. I had cravings pulling me in different directions and the best thing about living in an era where delivery is commonplace is that one can satiate these competing and conflicting cravings with relative ease. Now that I'm all fed and comfy, roomie & I are watching The Office on Netflix. That show is FUNNY. We're totally hooked. Thus endeth my week. |
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| Rejected |
[Oct. 1st, 2006|12:29 pm] |
Gym Manager never called. I only went to the gym twice this week, and I didn't see him either of the times I was there. I am assuming this means he never wanted to have that dinner but didn't know how to say no to my face. I'm a tad pissed because I would have appreciated the candour... and it's also galling to think that he thought my ego is so fragile it needed protecting. Oh well, at least I didn't chicken out of the asking out part.
In other news, I've had a really busy fun week. On Thursday, Punk Girl & I went to Vintage where I had two very excellent glasses of Riesling (sweet), and followed that up with a couple of rather strong gimlets at Paradigm. The event at Paradigm was an Indian happy hour, and Punk Girl was totally psyched to be going to a brown people thingamyjig, so she was totally having fun. The thing about Punk Girl is that she's so gregarious, I never have to worry about how to break the ice with people. So as it turned out, she did all the introducing - introducing me to the rest of my bretheren, i.e. I got to know a couple of folks there, and hopefully I will be in touch with them soon enough.
Then last night, Blondie & G Unit came over to watch funny dvd's/tv and have a girls' night in. We bought plenty of crazy bad but yummy snakcs, popped in the first season of Chapelle's Show, and laughed ourselves silly. The best part was that we stayed away from alcohol and still managed to have a rollicking good time. Just goes to show... I love my friends here :)
Today, I'm off to a play at the Arden Theatre with Punk Girl, and later on, I will be accompanying Roommate to the synagogue for Yom Kippur functions.
Oh yea, I guess I should also let it be known that I am over 3L. It hit me out of the blue two weeks back that I did not love him any more. I still care about him, but only as a well-wisher and a friend. I wish him the very best in life, and sincerely hope he is happy, but other than that, I am done. It's a milestone, one that I am extremely happy and proud of myself for having reached. It hasn't been easy dealing with my break-up at all, but I am grateful for all the lessons I've learned because of it, and now that the pain's over, I am happy we're not together. We never should have been in the first place, we were too incompatible. Hopefully he's learnt stuff from this experience too, and is a happier and better person for it.
Ok, I've been debating whether or not to talk about this and I guess I will just briefly mention it. There is a boy in the picture... he's been there for a while but it's only this week that I started thinking he might stick around. I don't know how I feel about it. I could be way off in my evaluation of the situation, in which case my reining back is good. But this is a bloke I can see myself falling for... if I let it happen. I just don't know how prudent it is for me to. More later. |
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| Quick update |
[Sep. 22nd, 2006|05:19 pm] |
I finally summoned the courage to ask Gym Manager out today. He said "absolutely". He called his cell from mine so that he has my number, and he said he'll call me. I don't know when we're going out, though. I mean, for all you know, he may not even call. But think he will because he knows we will be crossing paths at the gym, so... Gosh, I don't know. I'm thrilled that he even said yes! I'll keep you folks posted. |
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| Naked hot boys!! |
[Sep. 17th, 2006|07:20 pm] |
Yesterday was Tinkerbelle's sister's birthday party. She had invited me & Blondie & G Unit to go for both dinner & the event thereafter. Blondie & I went to Melting Pot for yummy fondue (I split the vegetarian entree & chocolate n smores dessert with Tinkerbelle). Tinkerbelle had planned the entire evening, and because she was trying to get her little sis to be more open to sexual stuff (her sis is very shy), had planned an evening at The Cave. The only male strip club here. Oooooh boy! DeLish! We (about 15 girls) trooped down there, armed to the teeth with singles, and downed some drinks before the show started. Hot muscled men wearing hardly anything, sweating, gyrating.... yummy. Need I say more?? |
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